Even during the time that i write this i feel like I’ve already given up. I feel like i lack the will to keep going on this by myself like i wanna call mama and papa to just make everything happen instantly. That’s a problem i have, i want everything quick and if i don’t get it then i’d rather drop it and get short bursts of satisfaction rather than sitting through what i know i need to be doing. 

For these last few weeks i’ve come up with several excuses as to why playing xbox is better than working out, or why i don’t need to do my meditation, or P90X, or why i don’t have to brush my hair or check my email. I feel myself holding me back from what i know i want. I don’t want it badly enough. I’m not to the point that i need to be to get where i want to be and i have to change that around. No ones going to want this more than me or can want this more than me. I can’t withdraw back to the way i was and grow fat and old in these four walls anymore. I don’t want to be immature fraudulent and lonely anymore. I’ve got to get my shit together or i’m going to waste another year on nothing.

This updates a rant just to keep the blog updated and alive. Next week i’ll have something better because there really isn’t much to say outside of what’s already been said. Tomorrow i start working out again with or without my protein.

Fitness & Health: My work out has been slowing down, i tried out some different work outs though but i haven’t been doing my 400 reps a day and the work outs that i’ve been trying i don’t feel are very effective. I can feel i’m recovering quicker because i’m used to doing so much in a rep. I didn’t tackle this in last weeks update but i do take other supplements besides the weight gainer for vitamins and calcium. I’m going to put my nose back to the grind on Monday with a new work out but plan on going the 400 distance again. I’ve got a park i’m going to do pull ups with a track i can run with uphill and downhill.

Women: I’ve recently stopped talking to all the depressed girls who I’ve known for a long time in my life. They’ve all seem to finally found a boyfriend who they can cry to and seem to not have interested in talking to me when i try and find out what they’ve been up to. It felt sort of strange not receiving text messages throughout the day. I have a lot of time with my new found freedom and i plan on putting it to good use. I haven’t talked to Samantha in a long time but i’m not getting hung up on her, i have other things i can focus on and crying over spilled milk is not one of them.

What’s New: I started reading comics again mostly DC and I’ve been learning to not quickly reject not wanting to do something because it doesn’t directly effect myself. I plan on starting to meditate and getting my focus/attention span up. I was going to apply for a job at Gamestop but that’s something that i wouldn’t want to even if theres money involved, working corporate sucks. I hacked my phone to get more battery life and try out some new software, so far that’s going well. I’ve gotten 9hrs of battery life on half of my battery rather than 4-5 i usually get on a full charge.

Hobbies: I’m waiting for the new Photoshop to get released so i can start getting into graphic design. I’m not the best at it but it looks fun and i’d like to start adding original content to my Deviant art page as well. One day i want to get as good as bosslogic.

It’s about to be 5 months into the new year and I’ve got a lot of plans that i want to accomplish with the remaining days of this year. I’m going to have to start pushing myself a lot harder if i plan on getting as much of it as i can done this year. But i know it’s going to take patience. So i’m willing to take a little step everyday until i get there.

“Being patient might not be easy. It requires considerable concentration.” – Dhali Lama

It’s kind of difficult for me to recall everything I’ve done over the past two weeks but here goes. I started doing 400 reps of everything i was doing but i was feeling sore constantly so i decided to take a break. After two days i soon recovered but realized that i shouldn’t have stopped and i should have kept going and worked through it. I was getting lazy and sleeping a lot more than i usually do i was feeling really lazy and had no motivation to really do anything or start up again. If i can give any one any advice it’s DON’T STOP.  Stopping is the worst thing you could do to yourself when you are trying to reach a goal in anything. I’ve recently started up again and i’m feeling great again and don’t plan on stopping again.

When i work out i listen to a lot inspirational videos that i downloaded into mp3 from youtube. Here’s some of the links.

How Great I Am

How Bad Do You Want Success?

Arnold Schwarzenegger secrets to success 

Al Pacino Inch by Inch 

Hair Journey:

I started out on February 17th when i shaved my head and its been about two months since then. Here’s what it looks like

Here’s what it looks like now. I’ve made great progress in only 3 months or so all i use is Sportin Waves and a brush usually 100% boar bristle. 

Women:

I recently started talking to this one girl named Samantha. I used to know her from a long time ago but back then i was too shy to actually make any moves. I only talk to her on AIM since i don’t have her number anymore. It probably would have been really creepy if i did still have her number after all the years that i haven’t talked to her.

I generally suck when talking to women because i over think and choose lame topics to talk about and in general bore them. But with all things it takes practice, i haven’t talked to her much since and i don’t plan on waiting on her hand and foot just to talk to her. I’ll be continuing doing things in my own life in the mean time.

Hobbies: 

Updates coming soon…

Swag:

To start off i never really had any “swag”. I had no skill in dressing myself outside of school clothes that were already picked for me. I had no idea how to dress, what was cool to wear, and was comfortable in my ignorance on the subject. People would buy clothes for me and that’s how i would get new things to wear come every birthday or holiday. I used to wear overalls, school clothes outside of school, and button up shirts (usually plad) the kind that you see on Family Matters.

The swag section is going to be devoted to improving the way i dress and working on building confidence in the way i dress, because it’s a major part of me as an adult i haven’t fully explored. I wish i had pictures of my actual self for people to see but i dont.

What’s new with me:

• I’m finally learning to drive. I took the DMV written test but failed so in a weeks time i’ll be back to take it again and pass.
• I’ve gone to the doctors office because i thought something was wrong with me but i found out that i’m actually in good health.
• I’ve started reading again and plan to continue to read more and expand my vocabulary. (I’m currently reading Hush Hush by Becca Fitzgerald)

Socializing

I’ve started talking to people that i used to hang out with in high school before i got expelled. There cool to hang out with and try and catch up on things. It feels kind of weird hanging out with people.

Starting: 115 lbs.

Currently: 118 lbs.

Goal: 150 – 160 lbs.

Monday-Wednesday-Friday: Running 2~ Miles every morning, Jumping rope, Push ups and Sit ups (one set in the beginning of the day the second set before i sleep 300 in total.)

Tuesday-Thursday: Running 2 Miles, Jumping rope and Sit ups.

I currently take XXX Mass Builder, One a day vitamins by Bayer, and Calcium.

Over the years I’ve worked up some really bad habits that left me with bones popping and a gut like an average american slob and i really don’t like that. I’ll be posting about new things i try to improve my health. That’s it for now.

I’ll be organizing all my posts into categories, each category detailing a side of my life so instead of having large posts detailing my day to day or weekly experiences everything will be organized and straight to the point. I’ll be making posts every Friday.

Today this post is just a general post showing were I’ve started in the beginning of the year and my currently stats (that i can remember at this time).

Name: Terrence C.

Age: 22

Ethnicity: African American

Height: 5 ft 6″

Weight: 118 lbs

Job: Freelancer

Hobbies: Fighting Games, Reading, Watching movies, Reading Comics and hanging out.

Relationship Status: Single

Skills: Web design and Photoshop.

I don’t have much to myself, but as the year goes on and as anyone reading this blog will soon find out i hope to make drastic change in myself. (I never realized how skinny i was until i posted this picture.)